Wash Me Clean (Don't forget my brain)

It's appropriate that the owners of FamilyFlix.com hide their faces on their website: they should be ashamed of themselves. They, along with a bunch of other social watchdogs are making a living cutting up Hollywood movies and selling the "clean" version to families who seem unable to make appropriate choices for themselves. And our Taliban-like congress is helping them do it with the "Family Film Act" championed by the current recipient of the "Sam Donaldson Memorial Bad Toupee Award,", Rep. Lamar Smith of Texas (why are they always from Texas?).

Interestingly, when you compare the running time of "Saving Private Ryan" on cleanfilms.com and the Internet Movie Database, 10 minutes of footage has been pared, but "The Passion of the Christ" stays exactly the same! I'm not great at math, but that adds up to less of a "family friendly" agenda than a religious one.

Here's the job I would love…to be the arbiter of all things moral while getting to watch all the dirty stuff in my editing room over and over just to make sure I got it all purged. When you're all done, "House of Wax," "Team America: World Police" or "Hotel Rwanda" will be all squeaky clean and ready for children of all ages to watch. No muss, no fuss, no effort on the part of parents.

What a racket. Why didn't I think of that?